Postmortem: Brood

ATHAN

Previously on REDACTED.

LUCAS

It licked my eyeball!

SLOAN

Postmortem case update to reopened aberrant incident file for Broodfather. ATAG classification pending. We are inserting an addendum to the initial case dossier in order to catalog the Aberration's offspring. Working title: Broodlings, which are-- --evidently right here with me.

SFX

Koška struggles with something heavy nearby

KOSKA

Sloan?

SLOAN

I was in the middle of recording. What are you doing here? And why did you bring that thing?

KOSKA

I'm handing these off to Dr. Danse.

KOSKA

Have you seen him?

SLOAN

No. Why would he be in the black box? He's not scheduled for a debrief until tomorrow.

KOSKA

Well, he's supposed to be meeting me here.

SLOAN

Well, he's not here, is he?

SLOAN

Good luck finding him, though.

KOSKA

Hmm.

SFX

footsteps, door closes

SLOAN

You left the--!

SLOAN

...Monsters.

SLOAN

Eugh.

SFX

loads new tape into recorder, clears throat

SLOAN

Sloan Summers on...

SFX

broodling chittters; Sloan clears her throat significantly

SLOAN

Sloan Summers on internal aberrant incident reports-- Agent Koška? Do you mind?

SFX

door opens

KOSKA

I do.

SFX

turns on a vacuum cleaner

SLOAN

What in the name of God are you doing?

KOSKA

The cleaning crew missed the spot.

KOSKA

I can't stand messes.

SLOAN

Are you seriously--?

SFX

door opens

DR. DANSE

Agent Koška? (vacuum cleaner turns off) What are you doing?

SFX

vacuum cleaner turns off

KOSKA

Ah, Dr Danse, just the man I was looking for.

SLOAN

You two are making it very difficult to do my job.

DR. DANSE

Apologies, Agent Summers. I asked Agent Koška to meet me with one of the broodlings as soon as Processing was done with the initial intake.

DR. DANSE

They are growing rapidly, and I'm afraid our research simply cannot wait.

SLOAN

Okay, sure, but... Why are you meeting in the black box, of all places? And, not to mention, we have a sign-up sheet for a reason.

DR. DANSE

Simple matter of efficiency. The black box is both the shortest and most equal distance between the labs and Processing.

KOSKA

Plus, we needed the table.

SLOAN

You know what?

SLOAN

It's fiiiine.

SLOAN

Yeah, it's fine.

SLOAN

I can always update records… later.

SLOAN

I could use a mental break anyway, as much as I don't want to admit it.

SLOAN

Today has been a lot of grieving pet owners. It's exhausting.

KOSKA

Ugh, yes, the pet owners.

DR. DANSE

The pet owners?

DR. DANSE

Should I even ask?

KOSKA

The Broodfather's recent meals.

KOSKA

The interviews were awful.

KOSKA

I had to go covert as a park ranger.

SLOAN

God, and we even did the whole Sarah McLaughlin thing with a slideshow in honor of all the eaten pets. (laughs) it was horrible.

DR. DANSE

Was all that really necessary?

KOSKA

Well, people are especially sensitive about their pets.

KOSKA

They're less likely to ask inconvenient questions if they're given acknowledgement and closure.

SLOAN

Yes! Thank you.

SLOAN

At least someone gets it.

SLOAN

You would not believe how many people I had to convince that we got the culprit. (chuckles) it was a bear, by the way, in this case. I swear, a couple people were about ready to go after it.

DR. DANSE

Hm.

DR. DANSE

Well, Agent Koška, is that them?

KOSKA

Yes, right there.

DR. DANSE

Let me see…

DR. DANSE

Oh, incredible. They're larger than I expected. How long exactly has it been since their… emergence?

KOSKA

We're still awaiting Kane's report.

KOSKA

The... broodlings were an unexpected addition to the case.

SFX

broodling chitters

KOSKA

We received notice from Agent Hauksdottir only hours ago.

KOSKA

Anyway, I just need a few signatures, and then they're all yours.

SFX

Danse signs documents

DR. DANSE

Do we have detail on the birthing process?

KOSKA

No, but the general gist is that the broodlings erupted from the broodfather's back, unprompted, while in the confines of the exam room, under the observation of Dr. Fleming.

DR. DANSE

(Sighs) Not exactly the level of detail I was hoping for.

SLOAN

Perhaps we should direct Kane to deliver the report in person.

KOSKA

I've been informed he's unavailable.

KOSKA

Something about the team being fully engaged with fieldwork since they're down two members?

SLOAN

Yes, I keep hearing that excuse from Agent Reyes as well. I've considered taking the issue to the Mezzanine. I'd be lying if I said this wasn't starting to feel a bit like insubordination.

DR. DANSE

Ever dedicated to the mission, Agent Summers. Well, I should be on my way. Here's the paperwork. I'll take the Aberration from here.

SFX

picks up broodling container

KOSKA

All yours.

DR. DANSE

Thank you. I'll keep you both apprised of my findings.

SLOAN

Watch out for the…!

SFX

Danse yelps as he trips and falls; broodling chitters, escaping containment

SLOAN

Aaaand it got out. There it goes.

KOSKA

It would appear as such.

SLOAN

Ugh, no.

SLOAN

Oh, what the fuck? Ugh, Koška! Why did you bring them in here?

KOSKA

Don't look at me.

KOSKA

I got them here safely.

DR. DANSE

What? Don't look at me either! It's not my fault. I didn't leave this... tripping hazard in here!

KOSKA

I really don't want to report you.

DR. DANSE

Then don't! Just help me catch it and we can forget anything ever happened.

SLOAN

Well, I'm not touching them! In fact, I'm not going near them! This. Is YOUR. Mess!

DR. DANSE

Koška…?

KOSKA

I...

DR. DANSE

Watch out!

SFX

Koška turns the vacuum on, slurps broodling up

SLOAN

O-oh, oh my. Did you just...

KOSKA

Yyyep.

SLOAN

...Just suck that thing right up?

KOSKA

Be sure to wash the filter when you empty out the bag, Dr. Danse.

DR. DANSE

(Laughs nervously) Yes, of course. Thank you.

SLOAN

Just sucked that thing right up…

DR. DANSE

I will see you both tomorrow then.

SLOAN

Indeed.

SLOAN

Can't wait.

SFX

footsteps

KOSKA

Doctor.

KOSKA

Sloan.

SFX

door shuts

SLOAN

(Sighs) Finally.

SFX

Sloan starts a recording

SLOAN

Agent Sloan Summers recording incident update for… Broodfather.

SLOAN

...Yeah.

SFX

stops recording

SLOAN

Nope.

SLOAN

Yeah, no.

SLOAN

No, I think---I think that was enough for today. Yeah, I'm---I'm just gonna go home.

OUTRO

Outro theme

ATHAN

Thank you for listening to another episode of REDACTED Postmortem.

ATHAN

Starring Lyssa Jay as Sloan Summers, Derek Moreland as Doctor Danse, and Natalie Light as Agent Koška.

ATHAN

If you're enjoying the show, visit theredactedunit.com for all socials, theredactedunit.com/discord to talk to other fans, or patreon.com/theredactedunit for behind the scenes, as well as bonus content.

ATHAN

Also, feel free to give it a rating—(mumbles) Rate the show, I guess.

ATHAN

I don't fucking-- Thanks for listening.

ATHAN

Bye!

Transcript from the production script, matched to the final audio.