- INTRO
- Intro theme
- ATHAN
- REDACTED Postmortem is a spin-off series of our main series REDACTED.
- ATHAN
- While these are not required listening for the core plot in REDACTED, they provide world-building details and are encouraged for the full experience.
- ATHAN
- We highly recommend you listen to the paired REDACTED episode this is titled after before proceeding.
- ATHAN
- Previously on REDACTED:
- SFX
- furious gnome squeaking, muffled
- JACOB
- No, fuck you!
- SLOAN
- Postmortem incident report regarding the case of ATQ-0212, also known as Gnome. TRU members in attendance… Eli Reyes. Meeting recording by Public Relations Agent Sloan Summers.
- SLOAN
- It's nice to see you again, Agent Reyes.
- ELI
- It's good to be back.
- SLOAN
- Did you have a nice weekend?
- ELI
- Um, yeah, it was, uh, pretty low-key.
- ELI
- I got home Friday and just… relaxed, I guess?
- ELI
- Um, how… about… you?
- SLOAN
- Oh, um, yeah, same.
- SLOAN
- Pretty low-key.
- SLOAN
- I, uh. Went to a bar.
- ELI
- Oh.
- ELI
- Well, I...
- ELI
- Wouldn't have pegged you as a party... …person.
- SLOAN
- (Snorts) Oh, I'm definitely not. I just... Didn't want to stay home.
- ELI
- Yeah.
- ELI
- A–anyway.
- SLOAN
- Um...
- SLOAN
- Anyway, the case. Yeah, uh, please, please fill us in on the events of the case.
- ELI
- Yes, right. (clears throat) So... In reviewing local community apps, we noticed a pattern of reports regarding missing garden gnomes.
- ELI
- Agent Kane and I determined we could handle this one on our own, so--
- SLOAN
- Sorry to interrupt so early, but Agent Reyes, to be clear, the preliminary research behind this case was… what, exactly? Just… reports of missing garden gnomes?
- ELI
- …Yyyeah.
- SLOAN
- Nothing else?
- ELI
- Nnno.
- SLOAN
- Doesn't that seem a little bit...
- SLOAN
- Flimsy to you?
- SLOAN
- Don't you think?
- SLOAN
- Your team usually operates with a much higher quality level of intel before opening a case.
- ELI
- Maybe, but, Aberrations that control otherwise inanimate objects aren't uncommon, and with the concentration of reports we found, it wasn't something we wanted to ignore.
- ELI
- And anyway, say what you want about our methods, but I mean, we were… right. Right?
- SLOAN
- Right.
- SLOAN
- I do think it's worth noting for the record that standard policy is to prioritize cases with the highest risk of public exposure.
- SLOAN
- From your report, I suppose the gnome does vaguely fit into the criteria.
- SLOAN
- I also recognize that TRU has faced some especially difficult cases as of late, so I think we can let it slide this one time. Please continue.
- ELI
- Thank you. So this neighborhood, they were hosting something called the "There's Gnome Place Like Home" Festival.
- SLOAN
- Ugh.
- SLOAN
- Bad name.
- ELI
- (Laughing) Right?
- SLOAN
- It should have been There's No Place Like Gnome, clearly.
- ELI
- Yes, that's exactly what I said!
- ELI
- Thank you.
- SLOAN
- Well, great minds think alike.
- ELI
- I think it's more they weren't thinking at all– (exhales) Anyway...
- ELI
- Fieldwork started with the assumption that this thing was hiding in plain sight. We thought if we made it feel like it was in danger, we could scare it out of a dormant state.
- SLOAN
- Ah, yes. The vandalism.
- ELI
- Yeah, the vandalism.
- ELI
- Had to smash a few garden gnomes to stop an Aberration. You know how the idiom goes.
- ELI
- But again, don't knock the process. It worked. The Aberration fully animated, and we bagged him without incident.
- SLOAN
- Well, I don't know if I would say that it was without incident. What about the witnesses?
- ELI
- Now, witnesses is a loose term.
- ELI
- I mean, they chased us out of the neighborhood, but they really only witnessed the vandalism.
- ELI
- So...
- ELI
- I don't know if that really counts…
- SFX
- electronic beep, Sloan groans
- ELI
- Is everything all right?
- SLOAN
- Yes, yes. Dr. Danse's report just came in. Usually, I would have received his files well in advance and would have had time to review ahead of this interview, but... He sent them through the official portal this time.
- ELI
- This time?
- SLOAN
- Yeah, usually he, uh...
- SLOAN
- Well, it's irrelevant. What is relevant is that the Aberration appears to be the subject of a previous case under the jurisdiction of the late Dr. Bennet. I'm sure you remember them.
- ELI
- Oh? Oh, yeah, of course. The Hound case, right?
- ELI
- Small world.
- SLOAN
- Mm-hmm.
- SLOAN
- Evidently, Dr. Danse has made significant progress with his research, given the wealth of records already available in the Curtain archives. Let's see what he has to say.
- SFX
- recording turns on
- DR. DANSE
- This is Dr. Danse.
- DR. DANSE
- Laboratory report regarding ATQ 0212.
- DR. DANSE
- While some staff have already began referring to the entity as the gnome–this colloquial designation is highly misleading.
- DR. DANSE
- The Aberration isn't the gnome.
- DR. DANSE
- The gnome is just the car the Aberration is driving, so to speak.
- DR. DANSE
- The entity itself is a consciousness.
- DR. DANSE
- Left unhosted, the entity exists in a state of quantum superposition–meaning it technically has no fixed physical presence, unless anchored to a vessel.
- DR. DANSE
- Per Dr. Bennett's notes, the entity is selective when it comes to choosing a vessel.
- DR. DANSE
- This criteria has been described to be an anthropomorphic expectation.
- DR. DANSE
- In other words, the entity will only collapse into objects that were designed to resemble living creatures, such as mannequins or busts, uh, taxidermied animals, puppets, or, in the case of its current vessel, a ceramic garden figurine resembling the classic garden gnome.
- DR. DANSE
- The notes of my predecessor continue to explain that the entity responds to what the object implies rather than what it is.
- DR. DANSE
- For example, a rock shaped like a frog by pure geological coincidence would not qualify.
- DR. DANSE
- A ceramic frog sold at a garden center absolutely would.
- DR. DANSE
- It's not the shape that matters, it's the intention behind the shape.
- DR. DANSE
- Of course, more testing is necessary before I can corroborate Dr. Bennett's findings.
- DR. DANSE
- The implications, however, are fascinating.
- SFX
- muffled angry gnome squeaks
- DR. DANSE
- Ha, yes, hello?
- DR. DANSE
- Did you need something?
- SFX
- gnome gnoises
- DR. DANSE
- Hmmm.
- DR. DANSE
- At the time of recording, the entity has been in captivity for over 24 hours and is clearly distressed.
- DR. DANSE
- But this raises more questions.
- SFX
- distressed gnome noises
- DR. DANSE
- If the entity can collapse into a vessel without physical mechanism, there is no obvious reason why it could not do the reverse.
- DR. DANSE
- Dissolve back into superposition, leave the gnome vessel behind to find a new one.
- DR. DANSE
- Yet it remains here, in the gnome and in its cage.
- DR. DANSE
- The question is why?
- DR. DANSE
- Perhaps the entity is functionally different when hosted.
- DR. DANSE
- If this is correct, the entity in a hosted state may require a specific threshold of conditions to successfully vacate.
- DR. DANSE
- Perhaps it's not that it chooses to remain, it's that the exit isn't currently accessible.
- DR. DANSE
- Or perhaps the rehosting process is expensive in some way.
- DR. DANSE
- In this framing, the vessel is not just a body, it is an investment, one it is loath to abandon.
- SFX
- somewhat happier gnome noises
- DR. DANSE
- And anyway, how is it talking?
- DR. DANSE
- The vessel itself doesn't possess any auditory mechanism.
- SFX
- continuous gnome chatter
- DR. DANSE
- The sound must be emanating from the entity itself.
- DR. DANSE
- And is this language?
- DR. DANSE
- It certainly seems to be attempting to communicate.
- DR. DANSE
- Perhaps we can requisition the services of a linguist?
- DR. DANSE
- Working on it.
- DR. DANSE
- I'm going to get another cup of coffee.
- SFX
- recording ends
- SLOAN
- This was his significant progress? Seems like he's out of his depths on this one. That was just a lot of questions and not one single answer.
- SLOAN
- Can't imagine what his findings would have been without Dr. Bennett doing all the legwork for him.
- ELI
- Uh. Yeah, I guess.
- SLOAN
- Oh, well. You were about to elaborate on the mess that you and Agent Kane made of the neighborhood. You mentioned witnesses?
- ELI
- Um, no, you mentioned witnesses.
- ELI
- They only witnessed–vandalism, which is, like, normal.
- ELI
- And at the end of the day, the Aberration was contained, and there was no kind of aberrant exposure, which I'm sure makes your job easier, right?
- SLOAN
- Indeed it does. Your efforts in this area are much appreciated. Would that all cases could be wrapped up so cleanly.
- SLOAN
- My team is in the process of publishing a couple articles on local news networks to corroborate the reported vandalism.
- SLOAN
- You mentioned this ‘no place like gnome’ competition–
- ELI
- Uh, yeah, it’s–
- SLOAN
- –Has some online presence?
- ELI
- Oh, yeah, it's ‘gnome place like home’.
- SLOAN
- What?
- ELI
- You flipped the gnome, ‘gnome place like home’.
- ELI
- We—we were talking about this earlier, right?
- SLOAN
- Oh, yeah, right. (snorts) Stupid name. Thank you again, Agent Reyes.
- SLOAN
- In that there is some online presence, I think that perhaps some light activity on their community board is in order as well. Just enough to keep the public attention going in the right direction.
- SLOAN
- I should get working on this. Unless there's anything else that you'd like to add, we should call it here.
- ELI
- Nope.
- ELI
- Gnome more from me.
- ELI
- Right?
- ELI
- Cause like the– okay, good luck.
- ELI
- I'll see you.
- OUTRO
- Outro theme
- ATHAN
- Thank you for listening to another episode of REDACTED Postmortem, our in-universe spin-off now in our new time and day, Tuesdays at 9-8 Central.
- ATHAN
- Starring Lyssa Jay as Sloan Summers, Athan as Eli Reyes, and Derek Moreland as Dr. Danse.
- ATHAN
- For more info, visit theredactedunit.com.
- ATHAN
- For behind the scenes and extras, patreon.com/theredactedunit.
- ATHAN
- And to connect with the audience as well as ask questions and anything more, theredactedunit.com/discord to connect.
- ATHAN
- Thanks for listening.
Transcript from the production script, matched to the final audio.
