- INTRO
- Intro theme
- ATHAN
- REDACTED Postmortem is a spin-off series of our main series REDACTED.
- ATHAN
- While these are not required listening for the core plot in REDACTED, they provide world-building details and are encouraged for the full experience.
- ATHAN
- We highly recommend you listen to the paired REDACTED episode this is titled after before proceeding.
- ATHAN
- Previously on REDACTED.
- VALENTINE
- You're an aberrant fruit.
- ELI
- Hmm.
- SILAS
- Postmortem incident report regarding the case of ATPC-0593, colloquially known as Watermelon.
- SLOAN
- No, that can't be right…
- SLOAN
- Really? Huh. I guess it is.
- SLOAN
- TRU members in attendance, Jordan Kane. Meeting recording by public relations Agent Sloan Summers.
- SLOAN
- How's your day been, Agent Kane?
- JACOB
- Uh, pretty good. Sunny, it's warm out.
- SLOAN
- That sounds pleasant.
- SLOAN
- I'm afraid I've been cooped up in here all day. Perhaps a walk after this meeting would be nice.
- JACOB
- Sure, yeah. Get those steps in.
- SLOAN
- My thoughts exactly.
- SLOAN
- All right, Agent Kane, please inform us of yesterday's events.
- JACOB
- Right. This lead came to us straight from The Curtain. Typical case of missing persons. Last seen at a remote vacation rental.
- JACOB
- We understood the property was pretty massive, so we brought most of the team.
- SLOAN
- I'm surprised you were able to spare the manpower, given what you and Agent Reyes have reported as of late.
- JACOB
- We are stretched thin. That's still true, but we didn't think we really had an option. It would have taken way too long to complete a thorough investigation with just a skeleton crew.
- SLOAN
- I see… I suppose that makes sense. Well... Good job on being as efficient as possible, then.
- JACOB
- Uh, thanks?
- JACOB
- Anyway, as expected, the place was abandoned. What wasn't expected is that it was completely engulfed in vines and leaves, like, full jungle biome.
- JACOB
- The property felt off... like the air was too still or there was some secret hidden under all the vines. They just kept going. When we finally traced the vines to their ends, we found nothing. We were completely stumped. We deliberated, tried to piece it together, but there were no trails left by people leaving the party. Nothing but... dead ends.
- SLOAN
- Eugh. Lovely.
- JACOB
- Sorry, got a little Sherlock Holmesy with it.
- SLOAN
- No, it's fine. You really painted the scene.
- SLOAN
- Gave a lot of description.
- JACOB
- Nice! (clears throat) Nice.
- JACOB
- Eventually, we decided to reconvene at the pool where we started. That's when we found the bodies. Turns out the watermelons were...
- JACOB
- Uh… juicing the missing people. Clear, aberrant activity.
- SLOAN
- Oh boy, sounds delicious.
- JACOB
- There was a risk of contaminating the county's water supply. So we needed to act quick to stop the growth until cleanup could take care of the rest.
- SLOAN
- Let me guess. You incinerated the melons?
- JACOB
- Actually, no, not this time! Well, yes.
- JACOB
- I mean...
- JACOB
- Kind of, but no.
- JACOB
- We... Blew them up.
- SLOAN
- My first instinct is to condemn that decision, but... I admit it feels sort of like that may have been the only option at the time.
- JACOB
- We thought so.
- SLOAN
- Luckily, the ranch was remote enough that an explosion wouldn't cause a PR issue. And I'll begrudgingly admit that it does seem to have worked. We have a lot of things working in our favor this time, actually.
- SLOAN
- Planting evidence to explain the way the disappearances of the vacationers was pretty simple. We were able to establish that the group took a walk into the woods, never to be seen again. Some journals, missing utilities like flashlights, lots and lots of drug and alcohol paraphernalia.
- SLOAN
- It was also decided to leave the damage to the pool your team caused. This level of property damage was sufficient enough for the landlord to consider the repairs as not worth the investment.
- SLOAN
- But... anyways.
- JACOB
- Yes, explosions aside, we were able to secure a sample of the Aberration, which has been delivered for additional research. I believe that concludes my report.
- SLOAN
- Ah, yes. Presumably, Dr. Danse has been studying the sample your team retrieved.
- JACOB
- Presumably?
- SLOAN
- I'm still waiting on the report.
- SLOAN
- As such, I'm afraid that your report isn't over. Please share any information in your report about the Aberration.
- JACOB
- Like, tell you what we already said in our written report?
- SLOAN
- Um, yes.
- SLOAN
- Isn't that what all of these sessions are about?
- JACOB
- Right…
- SLOAN
- So, the nature of the melons. What did your team learn?
- JACOB
- All right.
- JACOB
- Sure.
- JACOB
- Agent Hauksdottir and Dr. Fleming were able to conduct some research before the melons-uh, Aberration-was transferred.
- JACOB
- First, the Aberration released something Agent Hauksdottir called an extended phenotype. It sounded like it was some kind of irresistible smell.
- SLOAN
- Ah, yes. If I'm remembering correctly. It basically just means that these melons release a sort of signal that affects how we interpret external stimuli as humans. The term extended phenotype suggests that it's genetic in nature.
- JACOB
- Er, sure.
- SLOAN
- I believe there's a carnivorous flower that behaves similarly. Although, I could be wrong.
- JACOB
- Huh. Neat. Also, our field research indicated that the Aberration requires its seeds to be eaten so it can reproduce.
- SLOAN
- So, consumption of the seeds is part of its life cycle. Fascinating. It almost seems like the Aberration reproduces asexually through a host.
- JACOB
- That's basically what the team said, yeah.
- SLOAN
- Hmm.
- SLOAN
- Noted.
- SLOAN
- (Amused) Huh. It sure seems like Dr. Danse is taking a prolonged amount of time to come to such a simple conclusion.
- SLOAN
- So, considering the extended phenotype, how did your team resist the Aberration's effects?
- JACOB
- Uh, yeah.
- JACOB
- Due to a food mishap at HQ, our field team was chewing smell-blocking gum. Pure coincidence, but we-we really were lucky.
- SLOAN
- Lucky indeed. Well, without the report from Danse, I really don't have much else.
- SLOAN
- Did you have anything else to add? Maybe save me some time in the future?
- JACOB
- Sorry, that's all I got on my end.
- SLOAN
- Ugh, that's fine.
- SLOAN
- I'm sure I'll be doing an addendum to this case in the near future. Long day ahead of me.
- JACOB
- Oof.
- SLOAN
- Yeah.
- SLOAN
- Thank you, Agent Kane. That will be all.
- JACOB
- Sure. I'll see you around then.
- OUTRO
- Outro theme
- ATHAN
- Thank you for listening to another episode of REDACTED Postmortem, starring Jamie Petronis as Jacob Kane and Lyssa Jay as Sloan Summers.
- ATHAN
- If you're enjoying REDACTED, visit theredactedunit.com for more info, theredactedunit.com/discord to connect, aaaand...
- ATHAN
- Rate the show or something.
- ATHAN
- I don't know.
- ATHAN
- Just give us support and say good things in the comments.
- ATHAN
- Just comment your favorite food if you gave it-if you made it this far.
- ATHAN
- And we'll see you.
- ATHAN
- I'll see you later this week.
- ATHAN
- Bye.
- ATHAN
- Love you.
- ATHAN
- See you next time.
- ATHAN
- Thanks for listening.
Transcript from the production script, matched to the final audio.
